Introduction
Many Baby Boomers and seniors have a common dilemma when they approach retirement and their later years. For several reasons, many will be single and wanting to create a romance and find a caring companion, a partner, to help enjoy their retirement years.
Quite a few, both men and women, will be survivors of a long-time relationship with a spouse now deceased or a recent divorce. Some will be looking for love and others will just have a need for some companionship, someone to share their time with.
The easy answer to either one of these needs is dating, but for people in marriages spanning 30 or 40 years and suddenly single, that might be a scary proposition.
It is pretty common knowledge that the Internet is teeming with online dating sites and all of those sites are not strictly for the young. Seniors and Baby Boomers can find dating sites focused on those over 50. Meeting new people is not the same difficult procedure it was when you first ventured into the dating scene several decades ago.
Browsing the dating sites online might seem like a foreign procedure to you. Many will not trust the new methods utilized by new technology and will resort to the techniques they used in high school or college. Whatever method you choose to find companionship, do not try to be someone you are not. Be yourself.
If you feel awkward and tentative about making contacts that could lead to romance or companionship, remember that the other person might feel the same way, too.
— * —
Are You Ready For Dating?
Dating after decades of not being single can be stressful and fill you with self-doubt and apprehension. Temporarily unanswerable questions might surface and bounce around in your mind until you start thinking about not wanting to date again. That’s a very common result of reduced confidence from lack of current experience. If you are experiencing these thoughts, the good news is that you will recover with some self-assessment and a few dating tips.
The biggest hurdle you might have to overcome is whether or not you are ready to date. It would be easy to try to fill that lonely spot in your heart with another that reminds you of old times. If that is what you are trying to do, you are probably not ready for new and exciting experiences with someone new.
Grieving is a personal experience and there is no template to follow. When you are ready to accept that your spouse is not returning and can put those memories away in a safe place in your heart and mind, it will be time to consider finding new companionship.
Take your time with this step in your healing process. Socialize with your friends. Go to their parties or barbecues. Meet for coffee or drinks once in a while. Have a small party yourself or a quiet dinner with several friends in your house. If you cannot cook, you can find catering services that will deliver entire delicious meals that you just need to heat up. Don’t tell.
Find attractions in your area that would be interesting to your friends, like a local fair or book signing and make it a group event. If your town has a local baseball team, take a friend to a game and eat hot dogs and root for the home team. Have an occasional card party and play pinochle or poker with friends.
Spring home and garden shows are always a fun event. Invite some friends to join you and stop for coffee or ice cream on the way home to discuss all the new things you saw at the show.
When caring friends try to set you up with dates or tell you that “It’s time you started dating again,” thank them but do not get pushed into a series of blind dates or other “accidental meetings” to help you “get over it.”
When you are ready to find your own companionship, you will. Take your time and let yourself heal some before you try to fill your life with another.
— * —
Your First Steps
When you first set out to find some companionship or a person to date, don’t frequent places you would not normally frequent. If you want some real companionship, you should be looking for people who have similar interests that match yours.
How do you do that?
Take a moment and decide what your interests really are. Do you like to garden or visit museums or feed the birds in a park? Is window shopping in the mall your idea of a good day?
Once you know what you like to do, you can focus on places where you might meet people who are interested in the same things you are. Don’t try to find companionship in places or at events you would never attend in the first place. Think about it! Would you really expect to find someone to share your love of gardening at a bar or a rodeo?
One mistake you might be tempted to make is to look for possible companions that remind you of your former spouse or partner. Even if you spot someone who reminds you of your lost love, trying to recreate what you had with a stranger is the fast track to disappointment. A better, healthier approach would be to look for companions with traits you like, ones that fit with your interests.
Staying within your own age group is a good idea. Much younger people, with all their flash and energy, have not matured as much as you have. While they are attractive and exciting, their interests will probably not match yours. Although there’s nothing wrong with this, trying to regain your youthful perspective by dating people several decades younger than you usually doesn’t work out well.
A good practice is looking for friendship before moving into a relationship that’s more intimate. If you can have conversations, share interests and ideas and just enjoy being with each other, you have a good friend. If anything more intimate develops, you have a good companion.
When you are getting acquainted with your new friend, take walks in parks and share hotdogs from a vendor with the pigeons. Find quiet, but public places to start learning about each other. A cup of coffee and a piece of pie at the local cafe can be relaxing enough to let both of you get to know one another. Quiet conversation can uncover shared hobbies or activities that you both might share. Don’t try to rush a more intimate relationship without determining whether or not both of you are compatible.
Another option for finding friends or companions is going online and joining forums or social networking sites focused on the Baby Boomer generation. One site to check out: http://www.boomeryearbook.com, where you can meet people, play brain-expanding games or share your thoughts.
One surprising trend that you will discover when you take your first steps back into the dating scene is how much it has changed from what it once was.
You can find hundreds of online dating and matchmaking sites complete with pictures, contact details and a short biographical statement. Some are focused on all lifestyles, age groups and locations. If you find this method of meeting people interesting, you can join the service, pay the fee for listing, and have people looking for someone just like you sending you emails.
If you decide to go this route, do not just jump into the first contact you make. Email for a while and compare personalities. If you decide to meet, make sure it is in a public place. If you hit it off, suggest a lunch date or a movie. The rest you can figure out for yourself. Just be careful.
Here is a contact I have for a book that will show you all you need to know Click Here!
Other options are local social clubs or dances. Short cruises or excursions for singles can provide friendships that continue after the trip ends. In fact, many travel agencies can book cruises and trips designed for Baby Boomers.
Do a Google search for “Baby Boomer Travel” and you will find a long list of agencies offering to book trips for your age group.
If your high school or college has reunions, go to them and reacquaint yourself with old friends. Besides checking out the disappearing hairlines on all your old buddies and the “chicks” you dated or wanted to date when you were very young, you might reconnect with old friends just as lonely as you are.
Finding what you want to fill the rest of your life might be several close friendships. Companionship has many levels of association and all of them, whether strictly social or more intimate, can be satisfying and just what you need to enhance your life.
— * —
Baby Boomers Dating & Marriage